'Twas the Night before my 35th Birthday

13 Lessons from 35 Years

Is it just me, or do you also get more and more reflective and introspective before a milestone birthday?

Granted, I believe that each birthday above ground is important so let’s say “birthdays that the culture has labeled as milestones.”

Either way, me and my inner self been going together real bad over these past few months (few years really) where I’ve grown to be super tender to the things around me.

10 years ago, this would bother me. Getting all in touch with my feelings would make me cringe (trauma response - I know), as my mindset then believed that “I can’t afford to just sit here in my feelings.”

But today, I can’t afford to NOT acknowledge them.

On tomorrow, July 13th, 2025, I will be celebrating my 35th birthday. I’m excited about it. This is big for me because my last few birthdays, I couldn’t dredge up a feeling of excitement. I was angry and bitter at the then state of my life - unable to see the beauty in being given another day.

35 may not seem like a lot but this life has been filled with many twists and turns, both beautiful and painful, and I’ve managed to find the lessons in every moment.

I’ll “try” not to be before you long, but I just want to share the lessons that have been the most impactful in my life.

Lesson 1: God made a simple blueprint to live life - we made it hard

Love your neighbor & love yourself. The bible is full of so much more but when you break it all the way down, so many of life’s issues could be solved if we truly loved ourself and our neighbor. If we cared about other people’s well-being and utilized the resources available to us to ensure our neighbors had what they needed.

Lesson 2: It’s God’s grace, not your control

There were so many times in my life where I thought I was in the driver’s seat. I inserted myself in so many unnecessary situations, assuming that “I got it covered” when really, God’s grace covered me in all those circumstances. Wooh, the arrogance.

Lesson 3: You aren’t having a mid-life crisis, you just keep bringing your past habits into today

I’m still learning this. Continuing on from lesson three, the idea of “control” is a trip. A lot of my frustration and disdain with life over the past few years have to do with my lack of control. Things that seemingly worked for me in the past no longer worked for me and I was losing it. Again, God’s grace was sufficient for that season alone. I was too blind to see the fresh wind he poured over my life in the new season. I’m doing much better now, though.

Lesson 4: Don’t take it personal, even if they meant it personally

This one is really hard because I have a tendency to internalize everything. I’m learning to lead with logic instead of emotion being the leading driver all the time. I also know that I never “intentionally” do anything to offend anyone (I’m sure I offend people - I just don’t try to). If someone says or does something to purposely offend me, that is between them and the Lord they serve. That’s not to say that I just let it slide - boundaries are made and if I care enough, a conversation will be had. But I gotta release it in that moment and go on about my day. Life is heavy enough for me to pick up someone else’s weight.

Lesson 5: I matter just as much as my kids

I know some women who don’t mind being a martyr for their children. Not on my watch. I was not made to be a mom nor do I live to be a mom. My children are a part of my world. I had a purpose (and a name) long before these beautiful beings were formed in my womb and my purpose doesn’t end because I am responsible for another life. I pray other moms find the freedom in this truth as well.

Lesson 6: Exercise is ministry

I was 30 when I started having real isuses with my body. When I was diagnosed with my first auto-immune disorder. I remember during one of my many doctor appointments the NP said, “you are too young to be scheduling a colonoscopy.” Ma’am, sickness and disease don’t give a damn what the year is on your birth certificate. Trust, I wish I could hide behind the facade of youth like I was doing up until that point. But since that day, I pay more attention to what I put in my body and am more intentional with moving my body every single day. Stress is my main driver when it comes to my IBD triggers and moving my body reduces my stress greatly. Mobility and a clean bill of health are truly a gift. Treat it as such.

Lesson 7: I don’t want to change the world, I want to be a pebble in a pond

God has blessed me with a really big and tender heart. Even in the season where I felt like expressing my emotions felt “icky,” I was always sensitive to the issues of the world and those impacted by them the most. Hence, me pursuing a degree in social work and working in education for 7 years. Having a tender heart is also the quickest way to burn out without having guard rails in place. I learned very quickly that I am no good trying to change the world - it’s damn near impossible. But where I am most effective and impactful is shifting my corner of the world. I have bandwidth and capacity to support the students I serve, the community that follows me on social, and the community I live in. Serving them with intentionality is sure to ignite something in them, to then go and change their tiny corner of the world. When you throw a small pebble in a pond, it creates a huge ripple effect.

Lesson 8: You are not bigger than the program

God has a surefire way of bringing your feet back to the sand. I don’t care who you are, what your title is, who you know, how much money you’ve acquired up to this point. Leading with arrogance and selfishness will only last so long. Everyone has their day. My suggestion, course correct on your own before God has to do it for you.

Lesson 9: Leave room in your plans for God to wow you

As a recovering control freak, the idea of not having the reins in my life would make my heart jump. What do you mean “don’t worry about tomorrow?” Bills are due. Dinner has to be made. Work has to be done. Control. Control. Control. Facade. Facade. Facade. But through much time and prayer, going through a season of drought and seeing how God came through for me in each and every way without me intervening was …. beautiful. I feel like He is courting me. The “I’m not telling you where we going but your clothes on the bed and be ready by 7” type courting. Besides, whatever ideas I had for my life don’t even scratch the surface for the plans He has for me.

Lesson 10: People don’t care about you as much as you think they do but, people care more than you give them credit for.

So much of our day to day actions and beliefs are driven by the perceived beliefs of other people. Our boss, family, friends, people on the internet. When it comes to making a decision, our brains run through this scan of “what will they think” before we make the final decision (if we even make the decision). So much goes on in the individual lives of people that honestly, they don’t have the mental capacity to worry about you and all you have going on. I know social media comments can tell a different story, but casting judgement merely takes a second of someone’s time. At the same time, we are not navigating this world alone. For every moment you feel like, “no one cares about me,” I can guarantee you that is a lie. Some of my biggest supporters are people who have never met me in person but be praying for me.

Lesson 11: I’m blessed with the gift of influence, I pray to steward it well

I can command a room when I walk into it. I can shift a room when I walk in to it. My words can make people think and inspire. My story can drive people to action. My story HAS driven people to action. Idk when I truly understood my gift of influence but I am well aware of it now. I’ve been told how much of a light I am. My mom has been telling me I need to write a book FOR YEARS. I’ve seen things that I’ve randomly spoken years ago come to pass in the current. I am well aware of the favor over my life. My continued prayer is that He keeps my feet to the soil as I continue to soar.

Lesson 12: Aint no such thing as self-made - someone is always working on your behalf

We are a communal folk. I know folks like to wear the “independent label” as a badge of honor but truth be told, there is always someone helping you in some capacity. This mindset shift occured early for me when I stopped identifying myself as a “single-mom.” While by definition, I was raising my daughter without the help of a partner, my family filled in that gap to where my baby girl needed for not one thing. I was also able to continue pursuing my degree with the help of my family and the family I made at my university. I take no pride in carrying around a self-made title. The best things are made in community anyway.

Lesson 13: Stop being afraid of not being liked

I made this one the last one because this is something I’ve struggled with all my life - along with people pleasing. I shared earlier how I don’t do things to intentionally offend someone and because I am a chronic over-thinker, if I do feel like I offended someone, I overcompensate. It’s unnerving. I never liked the idea of someone not liking me or being upset with me and it manages to show up in every part of my life. But I’ve been deep in prayer about being released from the idea of “perception prison.” Meaning, I need to be okay with not being liked and being misunderstood. Regardless of my intentions, people will believe what they decide to believe about me (just like I would too). I feel like once this barrier is pushed through, I would have cracked the cheat-code to a FULL life. I’m closer than where I used to be and for that, I am proud of myself.

……………………………………………………

I’m grateful. In awe. Content.

Blessed to be here. In my right mind. In my right body.

Surrounded by people who love all parts of me.

I’m not where I desire to be but I choose to be where my feet are planted because that alone is a miracle.

Happy 35th to me. :)