sunday sentiments : not ideal, but it's ok
Even when it doesn't look and feel the way you want it to, doesn't make it wrong
How is it already December 1st, y’all? I feel like we just said Happy New Year and we are about to say it again. Time truly waits for no man.
This week was pretty much a doozy. Demi randomly got sick this past Tuesday out of the blue. We picked her up from daycare and were headed to Addy’s game and she vomited in the car. I thought it was due to motion sickness, but after getting her cleaned up, she vomited again all over me during halftime. That’s when I knew something was wrong. My father in law picked Demi and I up from the game and she vomited AGAIN on the car ride home. Around midnight, I decided to take her to the ER and she tested negative for everything (step, flu, covid, and rsv). We got discharged around 4am and I’ve been a nurse ever since.
While her vomiting ended on Tuesday, her little body was fatigued due to dehydration and lack of sleep so she’s been super clingy. I believe we’ve already been experiencing another sleep regression as she’s been in our bed every single night for the past month. On Wednesday, she was so irritable that her and Devin ended up falling asleep on the couch - her on the couch and him on the floor with his arm over her.
“You finally got to get some sleep to yourself last night.” - My husband
“But you didn’t.” - Me
“I fell asleep on the couch. It wasn’t ideal, but at least she went to sleep.” - My husband
I don’t know why, but that really did speak to me.
For the past month, we have deeply wanted our bed back to ourselves and Yung Demi has not obliged. The quality of my sleep has tanked which has caused a lot of irritability throughout the day. But after hearing him say that, I wouldn’t say her not sleeping in her own bed is what’s causing my frustration, but more so, me forcing her to confirm to something that she’s not ready to do right now and the outcome not going my way.
I want her to have a full nights rest in her bed - uninterrupted - but if that looks like one of us being sleep on the couch to ensure she goes to sleep.
It’s not ideal, but it’s okay.
I want to receive an overflow. To have a bank account full of funds that I can trust all of my needs (and my family’s needs) for the year are taken care of, but if all I have is enough to cover one bill …
It’s not ideal, but it’s okay.
It’s not ideal …
But it’s okay.
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Honestly, this entire year has been full of non-ideal circumstances. More instances of what I couldn’t control than what I could. How I’ve responded has pretty much been the same every time.
Frustrated.
Angry.
Depressed.
Repeat.
But what if I leaned into the “not ideal?” What if I appreciated the outcome or the fact that there even is an outcome to appreciate?”
What if I chose to have a heart posture of optimism and gratitude despite external circumstances? I believe I could’ve saved myself from a years’ worth of stress and angst. Over here shaving years off my life.
I’m getting it together, y’all.
I refuse to go into another month with all this weight on me, let alone another year.
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What I am Watching
Nothing like a good holiday break. My oldest was off of school all week so that PLUS Yung Demi’s sickness = a lot of tv binge watching.
We got into the hype of Cross and it did not disappoint. It was a well written and directed series and I can’t wait until Season 2.
Y’all know how I feel about women’s sports AND documentaries so my daughter and I watched the first two episodes of On the Rise - episodic series of college phenom, Juju Watkins. It follows her from her senior year in 2022, to her breakout freshman season at USC. I love how they incorporated the closeness of her family and how she’s separated Juju off the court from Juju on the court. My daughter and I have been talking a lot about creating an alter ego during basketball games since she’s super reserved and chill and that doesn’t always resonate well on the court. I am glad she gets to witness amazing talent like Juju while honing her own craft in the sport.
What I am Listening to
I recently listened to the Woman Evolve podcast with Sarah Jakes Roberts. It was a replay episode with Tamron Hall and it was all about betting on oneself. They go into the importance of actually speaking what it is you want into the world. Giving power to who and what God says you are and not what fear and your past tries to tell you.
What I am Reading
It’s some amazing creators right here on Substack. The latest read that got me in my feels is this one: God Wants You Empty I told y’all I’ve been full of anger and frustration all year - two years really. But making the decision to free myself of that energy, so I can be completely empty for God to fill me up is what I am working towards.
Scripture I am Clinging to
Psalm 30:5 “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”
Breakthrough is on the way.
Have an amazing week!
-Alana