Count it all Joy
things can still suck tho
Whew Chile. I just went over to my profile and realized I haven’t shared anything on this platform in over two months.
TWO MONTHS.
It doesn’t even feel like that much time has passed (but then again, I say this every year when I look up and realize we are getting ready to say Happy New Year).
These past few months have been some of the busiest months of my life, but also the most stressful - prompting me into a deep state of reflection.
It’s crazy how you can experience some of the most amazing things while simultaneously feeling a heightened sense of anxiety at the same time.
I’ve been able to check things off my bucket list this year that many only dream of.
Including:
Working for BET.
Interviewing Oprah.
Getting awarded an artist residency.
Visiting Disneyland with Rickea Jackson.
Going on a two week book tour with my mentor and growing in my photography skills.
At the same time:
Rationing my meds for my auto-immune disorder because I don’t have health insurance.
Picking therapy back up because parenting a teen when your own teenage wounds haven’t healed is ….. a lot.
Building a business from scratch when you really just want a “we would like to offer you the role of ____” email because despite you knowing there is no such thing as a “safe job” it’s taking a minute for your brain to believe it.
Just call me Ms. Incredible because I am being STRETCHED !!!!
Overstimulated.
Overwhelmed.
Uncertain.
But oddly enough, there’s been a sliver of peace that seems to find its way to me at any moment of dire stress.
The way my brain is retaining information that used to take me a while to understand is a key sign that He’s covering me.
The amount of creative downloads that keep dropping in my spirit all throughout the day is a sign that He hears me.
His grace is BEYOND sufficient.
I’m mature enough in my faith to know to count it all joy and trust that I will see the other side of my hardship. I embrace my humanness enough to allow myself to feel when things just …. suck.
I say all that to say (cuz it’s late and I gotta ease my way back onto Substack), so many of us are experiencing the same feelings. Different hardships, but the heaviness we all feel is still the same. What can also be the same for us is making the decision to keep on making decisions.
Deciding to still be here (in the most literal sense).
Deciding to prioritize our health and well-being.
Deciding to always try.
YOU DESERVE TO SEE THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUR HARDSHIP. (recite as many times as you need to).
Stay Encouraged.
P.S. I’ll share all the things I’ve been up to in the upcoming weeks.
-Alana
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What I am Reading
My and my kindle go together real bad. I’ve gladly fallen down the Jahquel J rabbithole and finished Heart of a Goon. Tonight, I finished Only for the Week. Ya girl been flying through these books and I’ve been enjoying being in a fictional world.
What I am Watching
This is the first week that I’ve turned my TV back on and in true Alana fashion, I got back into documentary mode. I recently watched the Netflix documentary on Eddie Murphy (did y’all know he doesn’t have an Oscar?! Preposterous right?! I also watched the Selena documentary and …. my goodness. Her story is one big tragedy - a life cut down too soon. The inclusion of archival imagery was so beautifully done and it actually inspired me to get back to working on my current documentary (another story for another day).
Scripture I am Clinging to
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you fave trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” - James 1:2